Overcoming Setbacks, Persisting & Finding What You Can’t Miss

It seems there are some phases in life where things don’t work out exactly as you envision them working out.  Lately for me, I’m really trying to think about what I want in my life (in all aspects) every day and strive to achieve those goals as a reality in the future.

However what happens when those things don’t go to plan or there’s something that completely falls apart and ruins that vision?

A couple weeks ago a friend of mine and I had an apartment lined up that we had seen, confirmed the move in date and were relieved and happy that we had finally found a good place to live.  I could see myself living in the apartment and achieving all the other goals I had set from that environment.

However, a few days afterwards I got a text saying the apartment would no longer be available and we couldn’t move in.

I remember seeing it and realizing my search for a place to live was far from over.  All the messaging, calling, voicemails, ad applying, searching, follow-ups – it wasn’t even close to being over.

I sat down where I was at the Victorian library and took a couple minutes.  Thinking about the “why’s” the “how’s” the “what-if’s”. I was just so bummed that this thing I wanted, worked for and had gotten was taken away.

I allowed myself that time and then I chose to accept this setback as my reality and just move on from there. Feeling angry about it, expressing how unfair it was, holding a grudge against the person who was advertising the apartment, feeling like nothing was “going my way” – all those things don’t change the situation but they do change how I feel; in a negative way.

After a couple weeks my friend and I ended up finding a WAY better and cheaper apartment with a gym, pool, sauna and hot tub that was right next to the yoga studio that I’ve been volunteering at.

This place is 100x better than the other apartment – and with much cooler roommates.

We wouldn’t have any of it if things went as planned.

As much of a cliché as it sounds, when things don’t go as you planned or envisioned it, it may just mean there’s something better out there for you. And I don’t want that to come across as “giving up”.  There are some things you can see yourself doing that don’t have an alternative because you are not willing to settle; which is a positive thing.

But don’t get lost in the setbacks and don’t focus on the setbacks. Keep pushing forward because a different opportunity will show up in front of you if you persist.

Something stuck with me this week that was really bizarre and yet really inspiring.  As I was attending a yoga class I met the teacher for the day who was about my age and she had a large scrape right across her mouth. When I asked her what happened she had told me she slipped off her bike yesterday in the rain and broke 3 front teeth while scrapping her lips.

She had 2 hours of surgery at the dentist’s office, over $500 in bills and she had this mark on her face for everyone to see while she taught.

She revealed how she fell face forward and how after she hit the ground she saw her teeth in front of her on the pavement. How they had called an ambulance for her and how she had blood all over her – but she told this all with a smile and was laughing about it.

She made a joke about when she looked down and said “Oh wow – those are my teeth” and had no unjust feelings about the situation at all.

Most people, including myself, probably would have taken the next couple days off to let my mouth heal and just relax afterwards. However this girl took it all in stride, accepted what happened to her and chose to express the story in a positive way, and then move on. And after attending her class, it was easy to see she had so much passion for what she did that making it a priority to teach her class was WAY more thrilling and exciting than sitting home and resting.

To me, that was really inspiring and it posed a question:

“Wouldn’t it be great to have a job you loved so much that even on your worst day, all you would want to do was go to work?”

I think that’s definitely something worth striving to find.

P.s. Check out this video I made yesterday!

Be Uncomfortable.

Before I left the place I called home, I was continually preparing myself for those feelings that every human being experiences after all the “normal” things in everyday life disappear.

Sadness.  Being homesick.  Missing the little things.  Not seeing your family.  Lifelong friends.

I mentally prepared myself for those feelings in the most positive way I knew possible; reciting some of my favourite quotes, living in the present, appreciating those things while I had them in the moment, etc.

There was no doubt I felt those feelings of sadness knowing I was leaving everything I had ever known, despite all the excitement that had quickly sunk to the bottom of my mind.  But here is the strange thing – now that I’m by myself in another country with very few things I can say are “normal” to me, I don’t feel those negative feelings I prepared for.  I feel happy, confident and focused.

Rationally from an outsider’s point of view you may think, “Well of course everyone feels sad when they leave home, but you’re in Australia.  Who wouldn’t be happy?” But we’ve all been there when we have to experience something for ourselves that is so out of our comfort zone that we dread the day it comes just because of how drastic our minds can make it seem.  Like when we have big exam coming up in school or we’re going on a first date with someone we like.  In the grand scheme of things how big realistically is that moment in your life?  In 10 years from now do you think you would even remember that occasion?

The reason I believe I don’t feel those feelings of sadness or loneliness is because I keep affirming to myself what I want most in life and I dismiss any of those negative feelings as something completely apart from me.

I’m sure we’ve all been told to “be confident” by someone whenever faced with a scary or challenging scenario in life.  I’m sure we’ve all been told to “live your dream” at some point before college or in a mid-life occupation change.  However, those are just words.  What do they really mean?  Why is it that everyone gets told these phrases growing up and we all know what being confident and living our dreams looks like in our mind but we don’t actually make it our reality?

I used to think about this all the time.

Being in a situation where I knew what was best but was paralyzed by fear.  Or hearing about a job I absolutely would love but I didn’t put in my resume due to fear of rejection or being scrutinized and judged by another human being who was higher in the industry.

The vision of our ideal selves walking around in our minds every day we wake and there are very few people in the world who bring that person into reality.

To bring things back together, I believe I don’t feel those feelings of fear, loneliness and sadness because I want to be that person I see in my mind so badly.  I know I can accomplish all those things I see my ideal self doing and I understand that to get there, I will experience negative feelings – different negative feelings.

I will experience failure, embarrassment, judgement, naysayers, anger, more failure and multiple nights of frustration.  But knowing this, at least for me, is worth it.

When I encounter those feelings, I know it’s just temporary and part of the process to build my dream.  I recognize it and just roll with it.  After so many years of experiencing negative feelings of fear of failure, not risking rejection and feeling guilt, feelings of regret – how are those feelings any better? Do they not all have negative characteristics paired with an unfulfilling result?

I choose the negative feelings that get dropped on me occasionally as I build my dream.  Going through some bad days and terrible moments for my full potential to emerge in my reality.  I choose sacrificing today for the betterment of tomorrow.

My only goal this year in 2015 is to BE UNCOMFORTABLE.

I’m writing this somewhat selfishly for myself to spill my brains and reflect on all my thoughts and feelings throughout this time.  However, if I can encourage anyone in this world by reading what I’ve learned and experienced, that makes my life just that much more fulfilling.

So if you were to take one step right now, what would it be?  What’s that thing you’ve been afraid of doing but you wished you did?  What have you always wanted to be good at?  What’s that one thing you see an idol of yours doing or that job you see someone on Facebook living that YOU want in your life?

Go do that.

You’ll fail.  That’s part of it.  You may get embarrassed and fall on your face (maybe even literally).  But that’s part of the process.  That’s called life.

If you understand that behind every fear is the person you want to be, you will embrace fear when that uncomfortable moment comes.

I’ll end this with a quote that keeps running through my mind lately:

“If you’re not willing to risk, you cannot grow.
And if you cannot grow you cannot become your best.
And if you cannot become your best you cannot be happy.
And if you can’t be happy, than what else is there?”

The Brighton Beach Huts

I had these huts on my phone screensaver for over two years and this year I finally got to see them 🙂

Video Games!

I’ve been gaming a lot more recently. I beat Bioshock Infinite a couple weeks ago which was an AMAZING game. I really liked it.

I just beat another game my girlfriend lent me and told me to play called Far Cry 3. 

 

It took me a bit of time to get really into it but once I did I was addicted. I loved the story line in it and that you could roam the map and takeover the enemies outposts and just do whatever the fuck you wanted, basically.

I used to play video games SO much as a kid growing up and all the way until I finished High School. Other than sports it was my #1 hobby. But as I started college a couple years ago I didn’t have time for it. And then when I started working 40 hours a week while going to college I completely forgot about them. 

Even after I graduated and had some spare time to choose to game, I never really let myself get too addicted to them again because it would take up all my time and it would be all I thought about! I like being productive and being active by going to the gym so somewhere inside of me I would think I was “wasting time” by playing video games. Until recently I started playing again I understood that you can say you are “wasting time” with just about anything in life.

I used to play guitar for HOURS after high school and on weekends. It was also something I couldn’t stop doing. But to someone who doesn’t care at all about music, they’d consider it a complete, boring waste of time. 

The same goes with working out. If you take the health benefits out of it, why bother going to the gym and running in one spot or lifting up weights and putting them down for an hour? Doesn’t that seem pointless?

As I started to look back into my hobbies in 2014 and what are the things I really enjoy in life, I realized anything can seem pointless if you think about it. And in the end it’s all about what makes you feel that feeling of happiness and what is simply just “fun” to do.

As I said when I started writing this blog, I think a lot. I like to analyze a lot of stuff and I don’t really know why. But the reason of “Why” I’m doing something was always huge for me.

Like, “What’s the point of doing this?” or “If I do this what will it accomplish later?”

Sometimes you don’t need a reason of “Why” – you just do what you enjoy and try new things to see if they’re for you.

Random Fact: I should really get a haircut.

Moving Craziness and My Strange Luck

It’s been awhile! I’ve been super busy with many things but I felt like writing today so this is a great time to catch up some interesting things I’ve been up to and thinking about.

So first and foremost – I’m moving to London at the beginning of May with my girlfriend, Sadie. This is what’s been taking up a lot of my time with planning for the future and organizing what will happen when, etc. I’m really excited and happy to be moving downtown London with someone I really love being with. I view life almost like a book and I feel this is a new chapter approaching. As much as I like my current life and job and everything it involves, I feel like this chapter of it has been far too long. I really need a change.

In the past couple weeks, during all the transitioning and planning for the move, a lot of weird things have been happening. Like a couple weeks ago after a day of working, I took out money from my bank and I was waiting for my ride. I got a text saying they were here and I stupidly left my debit card there. I didn’t notice until the next day and when I checked my account someone had stolen $240 from it. I was super bummed and it’s still in investigation. But still – right before a move and everything it’s not ideal.

And a week or so later I woke up after the weekend with really swollen tonsils. I’ve had strep throat 3 times within the last 12 months so I figured it was that again. My doctor prescribed the usual pills to take down the swelling but after a couple days it wasn’t improving. I was wondering if I had mono or something…it was just weird.

So I went to a different doctor and he said I had to go get surgery immediately because the swelling was so bad the only way it could be brought down was through surgery. 

Sweet…

So there I was on a Wednesday afternoon with a note for the Throat Specialist waiting for my ride to drive me to the hospital. Thankfully my friend and sisters boyfriend, Taylor was around and he drove me there and waited with me. So lucky he was there for me that day. Oh, and also, while I was waiting for Taylor my piece of paper for the doctor somehow blew away and I had to get another one before we left. Not the best day.

Anyways, at the hospital I waited for about 2 hours or so with Taylor then the nurse told me they needed to hook me up to two IV’s with Steroids and Antibiotics overnight and we’d do surgery in the morning. So I was pretty bummed it was that serious. And to add to it I had to sleep on a stretcher in a hallway because there were no rooms left.

All in all, I got the surgery in the morning and I felt awesome afterwards that I could eat and drink pain-free so I was thankful.

In saying all this I’ve felt very stressed out lately with making sure everything is going to plan, tracking my money (stolen and not stolen) and trying to prepare for my new life in London. I’m sure everyone goes through these stresses of change and everyone handles them differently. I always try to stay positive, even though it doesn’t always work, but I believe if you anticipate negative outcomes you are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of an undesired future. That seems silly to me.

Through all these stresses and very weird things that are happening lately, I’m thankful to have my family, my friends, my girlfriend and any other support I receive. It’s easy to see things you will miss once you’ve scheduled a change for your life, and it just reminds me how lucky I am and how appreciative I should be with everything I have. 

Random Fact: I’ll drink Ice Coffee all day, but if my hot coffee goes cold, I’ll never take a sip.

Happy April Fool’s Day & My Thoughts on Staying Present

Hey everyone! Good news – I’m pregnant! I’ll be due in 8 months. I’m hoping for a boy but who knows!

Juuuuust kidding, Happy April Fool’s Day! Sorry for pulling a fast one on ya, you must have been shocked. I hope some of you did some epic pranks today.

I’ve been really happy lately and I swear it’s partly because there is actually some sun out. I really can’t stand the winter gloominess and cold. So glad it’s been nice lately.

So I wanted to share something I was thinking about the other day. I watched this documentary recently which talked about how within the last 10 years or so, we’ve all become dramatically unconnected physically, but at the same time immensely connected electronically. Just thinking back to 1994, only 20 years ago, that was when the inter-web was JUST getting some attention. It’s weird to think in the last 20 years the world has become so much more connected because of the internet and smartphones. But have we actually become more connected?

I’m a huge advocate of living in the present moment. If you look back you can get depressed on things you can’t change and if you look forward you can get anxious about things that don’t even exist. But even I can’t ignore my phone going off while I’m mid-conversation. Even I can notice the way I converse over texting isn’t the same as how I converse in person. 

Some people would much rather text you all day and night instead of a phone call or meeting in person to converse. And there’s nothing really wrong with that. Especially if you have other things you need to be doing and you can manage both at the same time. But I think there’s a huge connection missing through texting or Facebook messaging. 

I guess I just find it weird that although we’ve been given a massive privilege no other generation has really been given, it’s phasing out some things that are important. Like social skills. Being able to have a conversation with someone in the present and not checking your phone every 5 minutes. Enjoying the moment of first seeing the Grand Canyon with your own eyes and senses rather than through your phone’s camera and Instagram post.

I’m definitely not innocent of any of these things, but I think being aware of it and consciously choosing to be there for the moment is something I’m going to work on. Just something I’ve been thinking about and thought I’d share my thoughts!

Random Fact: I usually read 3/4 of a book and then lose interest. It sucks…

http://www.zimbio.com/watch/pLdtBbpPVrc/Waking+Life+Don+t+Want+Ant/Waking+Life

My First Post! Why I Started Blogging and Why Dr. Seuss Rules.

Well, I guess this is it. My first blog post. Ever. Is this like losing your virginity? Only…bloggy-style? 

If you didn’t laugh at that or at least shake your head with a smile, I don’t know if we can be friends – but we can try. 

All joking aside, I’ve loved writing since I was a kid. I always loved English class in school and I actually liked it, but somewhere along the way I stopped doing it and I really miss it. Thus, here we are!

So first of all, I’m what I like to call myself and people like me an “over-thinker”. It wasn’t until a couple years ago where I could sort of “turn off” my mind and it’s thinking, but I still think way too much. Even as a kid my mom would tell me to stop worrying and thinking so much. Hasn’t really stuck yet.

To start of my first blog, I want to share the moment I chose to actually do this and why.

It was only a week ago where I was having a terrible night. I try to be a really positive guy, but there’s just some nights where you’ve had bad luck in the day, you’re turning negative and even though you acknowledge this there’s still really not much you can do. As much as I accepted that I was feeling crappy and that was okay, I just couldn’t shake the feeling of hopelessness. I felt somewhat directionless, unfulfilled, bored and for some reason not really “whole”.

I started reading through my old writing on my computer from last year, and the first thing I opened was something that made me feel better instantly by giving me rational hope. Here is what I wrote and read that night:

September 3rd, 2013
What makes me whole is my personality, the way I act and the people I interact with to share these traits.  What makes me whole is finding my passions and exploring them with curiosity and intense intrigue to discover everything that they are.  What makes me whole is my aspirations and ambitions that me – and me as my own self and only my own self – can fulfill and chase to live the life I want to live.

This doesn’t mean because I am technically living these dreams alone that they are not as good or worse – it only means that sharing these experiences and ambitions with people close to you can add extra to your life.  Sharing your life with a wife, girlfriend, friend, family member, co-worker or stranger – the great thing is you don’t have to choose one to share your life with; technically you can share it with all of them and not only receive fulfillment but give happiness to the person you’re sharing with as well.

The overall point I remind myself is I am no more or less of a person when someone close to me moves away, leaves, passes away or even hates me.  But, I am no more of a person when someone loves me, likes me, befriends me or admires me.  All these things are going to happen regardless of what I want to happen or try to avoid or dread happening – they’re all still going to happen.  But what I need to remember is I am already whole if I stay true to who I really am and live the life and be the person I want to be.  Sharing it with someone, or everyone, is just an added fulfillment that I will appreciate for the time it’s there, but It’s not something I can dwell on to change my happiness if they ever go away.

The only person in this one life that you need to worry about or care for better than anything at all is YOU and YOU alone.

…and your mom.

The ending made me laugh. I forgot I wrote that!!

But as I was feeling directionless and like I was missing something, this brought me back to reality.

In my opinion, life is bittersweet. It’s filled with ups and downs as we all know. But right there I understood none of those ups or downs makes me less of anything, or more of anything. If your girlfriend or boyfriend dumps you, you’re nothing less than you were before. You take the happiness that came with what it was when it was happening as much as you take the sadness of not having it again.

There’s a really great quote by Dr. Seuss that I always revert back to whenever I start to miss the past.

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.

So really, to sum up my first blog post (I guess I’m not a virgin anymore) and to get to the reason “Why” I’m writing anything right now. If there is anyone reading this who feels down, unfulfilled or just misses something of a happier time, just like I was; you’re awesome. You’re still you and all these other things are just extra feelings that come and go. Take them when they are there and appreciate what you can from them. BOOM!

Oh. And I’ve always wanted to end blogs with random facts about me.

Random Fact: I try to ask most people I meet if they believe in ghosts. For real. I want stories.