Overcoming Setbacks, Persisting & Finding What You Can’t Miss

It seems there are some phases in life where things don’t work out exactly as you envision them working out.  Lately for me, I’m really trying to think about what I want in my life (in all aspects) every day and strive to achieve those goals as a reality in the future.

However what happens when those things don’t go to plan or there’s something that completely falls apart and ruins that vision?

A couple weeks ago a friend of mine and I had an apartment lined up that we had seen, confirmed the move in date and were relieved and happy that we had finally found a good place to live.  I could see myself living in the apartment and achieving all the other goals I had set from that environment.

However, a few days afterwards I got a text saying the apartment would no longer be available and we couldn’t move in.

I remember seeing it and realizing my search for a place to live was far from over.  All the messaging, calling, voicemails, ad applying, searching, follow-ups – it wasn’t even close to being over.

I sat down where I was at the Victorian library and took a couple minutes.  Thinking about the “why’s” the “how’s” the “what-if’s”. I was just so bummed that this thing I wanted, worked for and had gotten was taken away.

I allowed myself that time and then I chose to accept this setback as my reality and just move on from there. Feeling angry about it, expressing how unfair it was, holding a grudge against the person who was advertising the apartment, feeling like nothing was “going my way” – all those things don’t change the situation but they do change how I feel; in a negative way.

After a couple weeks my friend and I ended up finding a WAY better and cheaper apartment with a gym, pool, sauna and hot tub that was right next to the yoga studio that I’ve been volunteering at.

This place is 100x better than the other apartment – and with much cooler roommates.

We wouldn’t have any of it if things went as planned.

As much of a cliché as it sounds, when things don’t go as you planned or envisioned it, it may just mean there’s something better out there for you. And I don’t want that to come across as “giving up”.  There are some things you can see yourself doing that don’t have an alternative because you are not willing to settle; which is a positive thing.

But don’t get lost in the setbacks and don’t focus on the setbacks. Keep pushing forward because a different opportunity will show up in front of you if you persist.

Something stuck with me this week that was really bizarre and yet really inspiring.  As I was attending a yoga class I met the teacher for the day who was about my age and she had a large scrape right across her mouth. When I asked her what happened she had told me she slipped off her bike yesterday in the rain and broke 3 front teeth while scrapping her lips.

She had 2 hours of surgery at the dentist’s office, over $500 in bills and she had this mark on her face for everyone to see while she taught.

She revealed how she fell face forward and how after she hit the ground she saw her teeth in front of her on the pavement. How they had called an ambulance for her and how she had blood all over her – but she told this all with a smile and was laughing about it.

She made a joke about when she looked down and said “Oh wow – those are my teeth” and had no unjust feelings about the situation at all.

Most people, including myself, probably would have taken the next couple days off to let my mouth heal and just relax afterwards. However this girl took it all in stride, accepted what happened to her and chose to express the story in a positive way, and then move on. And after attending her class, it was easy to see she had so much passion for what she did that making it a priority to teach her class was WAY more thrilling and exciting than sitting home and resting.

To me, that was really inspiring and it posed a question:

“Wouldn’t it be great to have a job you loved so much that even on your worst day, all you would want to do was go to work?”

I think that’s definitely something worth striving to find.

P.s. Check out this video I made yesterday!

Be Uncomfortable.

Before I left the place I called home, I was continually preparing myself for those feelings that every human being experiences after all the “normal” things in everyday life disappear.

Sadness.  Being homesick.  Missing the little things.  Not seeing your family.  Lifelong friends.

I mentally prepared myself for those feelings in the most positive way I knew possible; reciting some of my favourite quotes, living in the present, appreciating those things while I had them in the moment, etc.

There was no doubt I felt those feelings of sadness knowing I was leaving everything I had ever known, despite all the excitement that had quickly sunk to the bottom of my mind.  But here is the strange thing – now that I’m by myself in another country with very few things I can say are “normal” to me, I don’t feel those negative feelings I prepared for.  I feel happy, confident and focused.

Rationally from an outsider’s point of view you may think, “Well of course everyone feels sad when they leave home, but you’re in Australia.  Who wouldn’t be happy?” But we’ve all been there when we have to experience something for ourselves that is so out of our comfort zone that we dread the day it comes just because of how drastic our minds can make it seem.  Like when we have big exam coming up in school or we’re going on a first date with someone we like.  In the grand scheme of things how big realistically is that moment in your life?  In 10 years from now do you think you would even remember that occasion?

The reason I believe I don’t feel those feelings of sadness or loneliness is because I keep affirming to myself what I want most in life and I dismiss any of those negative feelings as something completely apart from me.

I’m sure we’ve all been told to “be confident” by someone whenever faced with a scary or challenging scenario in life.  I’m sure we’ve all been told to “live your dream” at some point before college or in a mid-life occupation change.  However, those are just words.  What do they really mean?  Why is it that everyone gets told these phrases growing up and we all know what being confident and living our dreams looks like in our mind but we don’t actually make it our reality?

I used to think about this all the time.

Being in a situation where I knew what was best but was paralyzed by fear.  Or hearing about a job I absolutely would love but I didn’t put in my resume due to fear of rejection or being scrutinized and judged by another human being who was higher in the industry.

The vision of our ideal selves walking around in our minds every day we wake and there are very few people in the world who bring that person into reality.

To bring things back together, I believe I don’t feel those feelings of fear, loneliness and sadness because I want to be that person I see in my mind so badly.  I know I can accomplish all those things I see my ideal self doing and I understand that to get there, I will experience negative feelings – different negative feelings.

I will experience failure, embarrassment, judgement, naysayers, anger, more failure and multiple nights of frustration.  But knowing this, at least for me, is worth it.

When I encounter those feelings, I know it’s just temporary and part of the process to build my dream.  I recognize it and just roll with it.  After so many years of experiencing negative feelings of fear of failure, not risking rejection and feeling guilt, feelings of regret – how are those feelings any better? Do they not all have negative characteristics paired with an unfulfilling result?

I choose the negative feelings that get dropped on me occasionally as I build my dream.  Going through some bad days and terrible moments for my full potential to emerge in my reality.  I choose sacrificing today for the betterment of tomorrow.

My only goal this year in 2015 is to BE UNCOMFORTABLE.

I’m writing this somewhat selfishly for myself to spill my brains and reflect on all my thoughts and feelings throughout this time.  However, if I can encourage anyone in this world by reading what I’ve learned and experienced, that makes my life just that much more fulfilling.

So if you were to take one step right now, what would it be?  What’s that thing you’ve been afraid of doing but you wished you did?  What have you always wanted to be good at?  What’s that one thing you see an idol of yours doing or that job you see someone on Facebook living that YOU want in your life?

Go do that.

You’ll fail.  That’s part of it.  You may get embarrassed and fall on your face (maybe even literally).  But that’s part of the process.  That’s called life.

If you understand that behind every fear is the person you want to be, you will embrace fear when that uncomfortable moment comes.

I’ll end this with a quote that keeps running through my mind lately:

“If you’re not willing to risk, you cannot grow.
And if you cannot grow you cannot become your best.
And if you cannot become your best you cannot be happy.
And if you can’t be happy, than what else is there?”

The Brighton Beach Huts

I had these huts on my phone screensaver for over two years and this year I finally got to see them 🙂