Well, I guess this is it. My first blog post. Ever. Is this like losing your virginity? Only…bloggy-style?
If you didn’t laugh at that or at least shake your head with a smile, I don’t know if we can be friends – but we can try.
All joking aside, I’ve loved writing since I was a kid. I always loved English class in school and I actually liked it, but somewhere along the way I stopped doing it and I really miss it. Thus, here we are!
So first of all, I’m what I like to call myself and people like me an “over-thinker”. It wasn’t until a couple years ago where I could sort of “turn off” my mind and it’s thinking, but I still think way too much. Even as a kid my mom would tell me to stop worrying and thinking so much. Hasn’t really stuck yet.
To start of my first blog, I want to share the moment I chose to actually do this and why.
It was only a week ago where I was having a terrible night. I try to be a really positive guy, but there’s just some nights where you’ve had bad luck in the day, you’re turning negative and even though you acknowledge this there’s still really not much you can do. As much as I accepted that I was feeling crappy and that was okay, I just couldn’t shake the feeling of hopelessness. I felt somewhat directionless, unfulfilled, bored and for some reason not really “whole”.
I started reading through my old writing on my computer from last year, and the first thing I opened was something that made me feel better instantly by giving me rational hope. Here is what I wrote and read that night:
September 3rd, 2013
What makes me whole is my personality, the way I act and the people I interact with to share these traits. What makes me whole is finding my passions and exploring them with curiosity and intense intrigue to discover everything that they are. What makes me whole is my aspirations and ambitions that me – and me as my own self and only my own self – can fulfill and chase to live the life I want to live.
This doesn’t mean because I am technically living these dreams alone that they are not as good or worse – it only means that sharing these experiences and ambitions with people close to you can add extra to your life. Sharing your life with a wife, girlfriend, friend, family member, co-worker or stranger – the great thing is you don’t have to choose one to share your life with; technically you can share it with all of them and not only receive fulfillment but give happiness to the person you’re sharing with as well.
The overall point I remind myself is I am no more or less of a person when someone close to me moves away, leaves, passes away or even hates me. But, I am no more of a person when someone loves me, likes me, befriends me or admires me. All these things are going to happen regardless of what I want to happen or try to avoid or dread happening – they’re all still going to happen. But what I need to remember is I am already whole if I stay true to who I really am and live the life and be the person I want to be. Sharing it with someone, or everyone, is just an added fulfillment that I will appreciate for the time it’s there, but It’s not something I can dwell on to change my happiness if they ever go away.
The only person in this one life that you need to worry about or care for better than anything at all is YOU and YOU alone.
…and your mom.
The ending made me laugh. I forgot I wrote that!!
But as I was feeling directionless and like I was missing something, this brought me back to reality.
In my opinion, life is bittersweet. It’s filled with ups and downs as we all know. But right there I understood none of those ups or downs makes me less of anything, or more of anything. If your girlfriend or boyfriend dumps you, you’re nothing less than you were before. You take the happiness that came with what it was when it was happening as much as you take the sadness of not having it again.
There’s a really great quote by Dr. Seuss that I always revert back to whenever I start to miss the past.
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.
So really, to sum up my first blog post (I guess I’m not a virgin anymore) and to get to the reason “Why” I’m writing anything right now. If there is anyone reading this who feels down, unfulfilled or just misses something of a happier time, just like I was; you’re awesome. You’re still you and all these other things are just extra feelings that come and go. Take them when they are there and appreciate what you can from them. BOOM!
Oh. And I’ve always wanted to end blogs with random facts about me.
Random Fact: I try to ask most people I meet if they believe in ghosts. For real. I want stories.
Thoughts Over Thinking 